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No...just no.

All my life I’ve cared more about people than they have cared about me. Many will disagree because they've noted my aloofness and logical approach to life – but they are wrong. I’m aloof outwardly because I’m constantly worried about others internally. I’m logical because I (perhaps mistakenly) think that it’s the best thing (for them).
My Girls, Girls, Girls blog is filled with tons of instances where I loved people for who they were and who they could be but they either became random or became obsessed. Random because they weren't all there mentally and obsessed because they loved an idea.
I've said this to a few people in the past – all have disagreed – but I seriously believe that every girl who’s been obsessed with me feel in love with an idea and feeling, not me. They loved how I made them feel, they fell for the idea that they could feel that forever – if only they could keep me. Not only keep me – own me. But they were wrong.
None of them ever loved me – even t…
Recent posts

Thankfully rejected

There’s a girl that I met five years ago – I blogged about her a few times in the past. She was fun, quirky, smart and sexy – I always hoped for more with her. I tried many times to take things to the next level – but she was always avoidant. She always seemed to be happy as someone in my bed but never someone in my heart.
Two years ago when I decided to end my corporate life and start on this journey I decided to try one last time. One last ditch effort to try for something serious with her. She refused.

Her objection was that she didn’t know anything about my background and that was important for her. She said that she’d complained about it to friends of mine and they’d echoed the same sentiments. I just don’t talk about my family, culture or history. All I talked about was myself.
I was shocked but I kinda understood. Especially at that point, I didn’t talk so much about family and those things – I spoke about me. My kingdom, my hopes, my dreams…fears, heartbreaks. But never fa…

I should do this more

It’s funny how at a time when blogging is now mainstream I really struggle with being consistent with it. I’m so stuck in my head of late – I need to change that. I need to create a little distance between myself and some thoughts. Especially ones which upset me and weigh me down.
I need to stop feeling things so much – or worse, avoiding them. There’s so much that has been layered in my heart and mind over the past two years which I need to just let go.

I need to blog more.

A two year long lesson in tears

I can't believe that it's been almost two years since I last wrote - how time flies and what a different two years makes.

The past two years have been a roller-coaster of emotion and experience - learning and growth - pain and change. Yet through it all - good and bad - I am glad for the experience and I wouldn't change it for the world.

When I started the journey in 2015 I knew I would experience the Tears of loss, Pain of growth, Fire of success and the calming Water of legacy building. What I didn't know was just h
ow long and just how hard the first part would be.

In my own academic way I had assumed that I could mourn the loss of my past in a year or less, but in truth it took me almost the entire two years to come to terms with the reality of my choices and the challenges of the path I chose.

Tears for lost friendships
Like everyone I have had a number of phases in my life - mostly defined by life stage. I was often sad that I could never keep friends between pha…

Blessings on Blessings on Blessings

I have often heard it said that "God will embarrass you with blessings if you pray", it's something I never disputed but didn't ever think it applied to me. For most of my life I imagined that perhaps I didn't pray enough or hadn't worked hard enough or hadn't been good enough to earn such "embarrassment". I always felt that my abundance was in the future...

I think it was perhaps it was just a simple issue of perspective but I never really saw my life as being the manifestation of those things which I'd asked God for. I won't go as far as to say that I felt like I was deprived, no - nothing like that, I felt God was on my side but never really thought that he was about this "shower you with blessings" thing. For me it always felt like he gave me enough to keep me hungry, to keep me working...and perhaps in a way that's a good thing since it kept me hungry.

In recent times however, I have found my perception of the world -…

One Family

I have always spoken about family as being something which was very important to me, however this has always been half true. In my youth I didn't really like my nuclear family because they were so African and traditional while I was just...different. They all thought I was a little weird, even spending about a year thinking I was on drugs because I was so secretive and reclusive - and mean me for letting them think that. 
This distance slowly closed over the past decade but I must say that it still exist. I'm still closer to cousins than I am to my siblings and my relationship with my mother, while very dear to me, is still very much at arms length. I suppose for me I've always imagined that this was fine because inevitably I'm going to marry someone and create a nuclear family of my own - so I might as well act like someone who has other priorities.
And so, it is no surprise that one of the longest standing blogs (and drives) that I've had in life has been the dr…

Unity Prayer

Lord I come to you this day as your most humble servant, A servant you have blessed with great talent and challenged with great responsibility. A responsibility to my family, my community and my fellow man. Responsibility to serve and inspire, to be more than an average man. 
I do not ask for your to lift this responsibility from my shoulders, instead I ask for;  Wisdom: to know how to use my talents and of those around me to their fullest potential, wisdom enough to grow through each day.  Strength: to overcome all challenges set before me even those which seem impossible, for nothing is impossible under your guidance O Lord.  Patience: enough to endure and forgive even those things I see as injustice because I am not judge, only a humble servant following the path you have set for me. 
I ask then that you continue to shine your light and your love on me as you have done even at those times when I shunned it.  Guide me always as I continue to be of One Mind pursuing One Goal under y…